It’s developmentally appropriate for kids to go through the phase of wanting no help with anything, wanting to have control of the objects they’re interested in, and wanting complete independence. But for kids who struggle with verbal expression, this can be a very frustrating time. It can result in less functional behaviors such as grabbing, running away, screaming, hitting, etc. These behaviors often happen because the child has no other way to tell you, “I want to do it on my own! I can do it all by myself!”
I mentioned using Mercer Mayer’s Little Critter books in a previous blog but I can’t say enough about them. I wanted to share an idea I had recently that was very successful with one of my kids. This child is at the point where she’s really wanting to assert herself but does not always have the verbal language to do so. She loves books and we have read Little Critter stories together in previous sessions.
Mercer Mayer’s book All By Myself allows for lots of practice of this very useful phrase. Its repetitive story line provides predictability so the child can join in reading the story with you. It also presents situations that your child is likely familiar with such as brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, and going to bed. While reading this book with my student I realized she was feeling very empowered by saying she could do these things all by herself . This is a child who desperately needs to feel empowered and I didn’t want the activity to come to an end so I had an idea: we’d make our own “I can do it all by myself” book. We got out paper and markers and drew a picture of the child as well as her name on the cover. I started with the first few ideas in hopes that once she got the idea she would contribute some of her own. I wrote, ” I can put on my shoes all by myself.” I drew another picture of the child and encouraged her to contribute by telling me what color she wanted her shirt to be, whether she wanted pants or a skirt on in the picture, whether she wanted her hair down or in pigtails. After suggesting two ideas and creating the pictures together, she suggested some of her own. It became an excellent exercise in expressive language as she told me that she could pick out new pajamas “all by herself” and that they should have cookies on them in the picture. Later on in the session I overheard her in the bathroom saying, “I can go potty all by myself!” (This was not even an idea we had put in the book!)
This activity could be adapted for many different levels. For a child who needs less support they could create all the ideas themselves, and draw the pictures as well. They could make a plan before doing the actual pages to encourage organization of ideas and language.
I hope this is a helpful activity to try with a child you know. If you do have a chance to try it, let us know how it went!
I’m curious for ideas about how to implement this with my son who is completely non-verbal, has only a few signs and is new to usign a Vantage Lite. He is very expressive but it always feels like “I Spy” or some other guessing game (at which I do not excel!). He is also righ in the thick of this stage of wanting to be so independent.
Would love ideas!
Niksmom, this will get a lot easier when Nik is using the AAC device more, as you know. It’s so exciting that his device has arrived! With kids who don’t have verbal language yet and aren’t yet using a device or other AAC strategy, we tend to focus on sounds/motions that are within their repertoire. For example, with one of my clients, we didn’t always realize he wanted to do something on his own until he became frustrated…in that situation we want to pause before doing something for him and wait a few beats (try counting slowly in your head up to 5, or whatever number you think would give your child an opportunity to set his plan into motion) to see if he reaches for it himself. We might also teach him to hit his chest with his own open hand as a rudimentary sign for “me” if he has the motor skills. And when we miss the cues or don’t wait long enough for them and frustration occurs, we always model a frustrated “Awww” and model the gestures that go with it for kids (a foot stomp, for example), because that would be a better first step to express frustration than a tantrum.
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